Taking Up Space

March 24, 2025 - Journal Entry

“Here’s what I want you to think going into your show. You are a badass. You have a radical message about taking up space as a woman and living from inside out. Not performing, people pleasing. If you feel misunderstood or dismissed, get in touch with the righteous anger, grief and love that motivated the work.” Paraphrase of my therapist’s words to me.

Yesterday I had lunch with some elders. They addressed all the questions to my husband, and his work was the primary topic. Then we talked about the job of the man in the other couple for most of the remaining time. I felt some grief afterwards. But today I’m feeling a wild gratitude that [my husband] noticed, and that I noticed and that I no longer believe in the lie that men are more important than women, and the corollary that women should revolve around men, orbiting him like the moon. I feel joy that I’m transgressing the unwritten rules by loving and valuing myself, looking and feeling my best, and taking my work and talents seriously. I don’t think [my ancestors] had a category for a woman going back to art school in her late 40's because she is taking her talents seriously. Ok, there is a category: self-centered, who does she think she is, what a silly waste of money, self-indulgent!

Yesterday, my friend S. said a blessing over the doors opening to me, over my vision and labors. I felt really seen in that moment… I don’t need a lot of doors. I just need one or two good ones.